I am so aware of things now that before David’s death I was not aware of them. The different clouds and hues in the sky allow me to gaze upwards for a long period longing to reach David and to touch him there. Yet, I cannot touch him. He on the other hand has touched my life and has changed it forever. I am at a stage now in my life where occasionally I do not feel the pain continuously and have a few moments of relief. At these times, I feel even guiltier and tell David that I am sorry and that I have to try to go on. I tell him that he will always be a part of me. I continue to struggle daily. I continue to function, but the zest and the spark of life is gone. The glow and the shine have become dull, but the pain lingers on.
Thursday, April 5, 2018
Sunday, March 25, 2018
I was transformed by the loss of my son. Yet the transformation is for the better. I buried the person that I used to be and I have emerged as a new person with nobler qualities than I ever had before. My thought processes have changed. I am not afraid if people misunderstand me. I do not waste time thinking about what people might say. I desire what is beautiful. I look forward to the future with more self-confidence and more faith. I am not limited by the boundaries of time. I do not hide my sorrow and pain any longer. I realize that what my heart yearns for I cannot have or touch. I therefore hold all earthly things lightly and press on towards eternity.
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
After David died, I heard the hymn; “Be Still and Know that I am God” This statement appears as a verse in Psalm 46:10.
I feel breathless at times.