These thoughts were written 2 years after David died.
The day was OK till late afternoon when I felt very lonely and sad and grief took over again. It seems that everything hinges on what happened to David. I am in such despair and yet hope comes from despair. When nothing else is left to go on, I can lean on God. This is why David believed in hope as he was powerless. I suffer even with the knowledge of hope eternal. I need to hope about what someday will be. That someday is to be with the Lord and David. I need to dream and refuse to give up into what is seen and rather focus on the unseen and the eternal. I could base my hope on the return of Christ. I cry to God in despair and protest. Hope does not take away my sorrow. The tears continue to flow and David’s absence is destroying my spirit. I miss him so terribly and long to see him and hug him. When I go to bed, I pray to the Lord to control my tears so that I do not plug my nose and have difficulty breathing. I never thought that life would be so empty for me.