When I speak to some about my loss, they tell me that they just read in the paper that a young person was just killed in a car accident or that some young person died due to cancer or drugs. Some people try to comfort me by telling me that they know a woman who lost two children or that a woman lost her only child. Others tell me that he is in a better place and that it is the will of God. Many have told me that this is life and others have it worse than me. No matter what I do or think or analyze grief follows me and tears have not ceased and the pain persists. I am now being told that I am stuck in my grief. Don’t they know that as long as I live I will mourn my son? I know who I am and when I continue to experience profound sadness that no one else can feel, why should I always be questioned about my feelings?
Saturday, July 22, 2017
Friday, July 14, 2017
Almost three years later since the loss, I was playing on the bed with my grandson Robbie, singing, jumping and laughing. We played for almost an hour when suddenly my husband Stephen came to the room and told me that it is time to go home. Immediately Robbie’s face became serious and somewhat sad. He quickly blurted out these words: “Why Teta, I love you”. (Teta is what Robbie calls me. It is equivalent to grandma). In other words, Robbie was saying to me: How could you leave me? Don’t you know that I love you? Immediately I realized that a little child knows what love is all about. Love means stay. Love means together. Love knows no separation. Love is eternal. Real love is forever. My love could not accept David leaving me so suddenly, as Robbie did not want me to leave him so suddenly.
Monday, July 10, 2017
David touched my life in so many ways. Because of him, I have become the person that I am now. The things that I did not notice before have become important to me now. The significant has become insignificant and the simple has become more important.
Friday, July 7, 2017
David’s loss is too drastic for me and it has created a big gap between how I feel and how the rest of the world feels. They have no idea as to how I have changed and how their words which were normal once seem absurd to me now.