As the years go by after losing David, I sense resentment on the part of some at the fact that I have this deep sadness. They want me to be happy. They want me to go on as if David never existed. They want me to move away in order to get rid of the things that remind me of him. Don’t they know that I want to remember him at all times? I want to be reminded of all that we shared together. I want to memorize every detail of our past. It is so important to me. I memorized his face. His words keep ringing in my ears. I hear him talking to me. I actually do talk to him. I carry him in my heart everywhere I go.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Since David died I have had so many cruel remarks and explanations as to why I feel the way I do. I personally do not have a clue but many people had all the answers and solutions to my loss. They think that they can fix what can never be fixed.
It is the people who did not try to enter into my feelings and did not offer me false comfort or false solutions that I appreciated the most. They did not tell me that I need to take something to feel better. They did not tell me that I need to see a therapist. They did not tell me that I need to have more faith. They did not tell me that I need to read my Bible more. They did not tell me that they feel my pain. They did not tell me that life goes on. They did not tell me to be thankful that I had David for 30 years. They did not tell me to be thankful for the memories. They did not tell me that he is in a better place. They did not tell me that it is the will of God. They did not tell me that I am strong. They did not tell me that I should not live in the past. They did not ask me if I had other children. They did not ask me how he died. These are the people who did not invade my privacy but stood at the periphery respecting me and my journey through the path of grief and sorrow. They encouraged me just by listening to me or giving me a hug, knowing full well that they were as powerless as I was.