I pretend that I am fine when I am with people and then when I am alone I scream, yell, cry, and wail. It seems that there is no consolation in this type of loss. People think that as time goes by I should feel better as if my son is coming back. I miss David more as time goes by, and the loneliness is so severe even when I am with many people. My voice changed and even the look on my face has changed. At times, I cannot bear it. As the weather changes and September arrives, I begin an emotional journey of tears. I despair even though I am told not to despair. My pain does not change anything and sometimes I think that it is so stupid to grieve and yet I cannot help myself.