The world is oblivious to my pain. No one can see inside of me. No one can experience what I am experiencing. No one can understand my pain. It is unique for each person. Throughout the ages people are born and people die and life goes on, yet my life is altered. It is as if death caused a mutation in my soul. This has led to altered thinking and altered living. I see the brevity and vanity of life more clearly. Yet it is only one life and it is for a short period of time. The eternal is what I seek after now. Our days are numbered. Whatever they are has been determined from the beginning. It is so easy to philosophize and give advice when the person giving advice has no clue about the experience. That person cannot relate to the loss. We struggle and work hard to build a future and yet the ultimate future is transient. Death awaits each one of us. So why do we make such a big deal out of everything? I just need to smell the flowers and thank God for all the blessings that I still have. Sometimes I fear that I am going to lose what is left. There are no more guarantees.