Saturday, February 17, 2018

The Pain of Losing a Child

After the recent school shooting, I began to feel for the parents who lost their children in this senseless act. I know that they are going to experience severe pain. When I lost my son I began and still experience pain like no other pain that I have experienced before. I cannot describe the pain. It cannot be expressed in the language that we speak. This is an attempt to try to describe it.

The pain is like thrusting a dagger in my heart over and over again. Every impulse in me shrieks with outrage at the loss. My spirit is broken. The sensation of pain is perpetual. It smarts, pierces and does not go away.

My heart pleads for one more glance at his face and one more of his unforgettable hugs. The load of inward affliction does not disappear with prayer. I even wrestle with God all the time. The pain is sharp and lasting. It is a ceaseless strenuous struggle of pain. I am struck down and knocked down by the pain. There is a heavy veil of darkness around me. I am worn out with mental conflict and feel stifled and oppressed at times. There is such a hurt in me. The wound is too wide and deep and keeps opening up. The pain is beyond all thought and leaves me tired and exhausted.

It is difficult to bear this heavy crushing pain. Time taunts me with my loss. My soul is desolate. The torment stops every now and then, then it begins again with fiercer and more excruciating pain. Tears have burned out my eyes.

Those who have not been there have no concept. We who have been there cannot fully tell of our experiences as the pain and sorrow is unspeakable. We cannot avoid the pain if we love, even if we love a little.