After the recent school shooting, I began to feel for the
parents who lost their children in this senseless act. I know that they are
going to experience severe pain. When I lost my son I began and still
experience pain like no other pain that I have experienced before. I cannot
describe the pain. It cannot be expressed in the language that we speak. This
is an attempt to try to describe it.
The pain is like thrusting a dagger in my heart over and
over again. Every impulse in me shrieks with outrage at the loss. My spirit is broken.
The sensation of pain is perpetual. It smarts, pierces and does not go away.
My heart pleads for one more glance at his face and one more
of his unforgettable hugs. The load of inward affliction does not disappear with
prayer. I even wrestle with God all the time. The pain is sharp and lasting. It
is a ceaseless strenuous struggle of pain. I am struck down and knocked down by
the pain. There is a heavy veil of darkness around me. I am worn out with
mental conflict and feel stifled and oppressed at times. There is such a hurt
in me. The wound is too wide and deep and keeps opening up. The pain is beyond
all thought and leaves me tired and exhausted.
It is difficult to bear this heavy crushing pain. Time
taunts me with my loss. My soul is desolate. The torment stops every now and
then, then it begins again with fiercer and more excruciating pain. Tears have
burned out my eyes.
Those who have not been there have no concept. We who have
been there cannot fully tell of our experiences as the pain and sorrow is
unspeakable. We cannot avoid the pain if we love, even if we love a little.