After David died I began to write poems. I used DEATH as an acronym. This poem was written while giving an exam to my students.
Death is an enemy that I abhor
Even though we often ignore
All mankind is destined to taste
The bitter cup that is in store
Hovering over us all.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Questions
The other day I
decided to read some of the diary notes that I have written and I realized that
there were many questions that I have asked with no attempt to answer them as
there are no answers.
What am I to do now that David is gone? Is there any more
purpose to my life? Will I ever be happy again? Will I ever do anything without
thinking of him? Will I ever not feel guilty that I am alive and he is dead?
Why did this have to happen? Why did I lose him at such a
tender age? Why am I destined for pain? Will the pain ever go away? Why was his
life cut short? Why? Why? Why? Will I ever have peace again? How could he die?
How could David be here one day and now he is not here? Can I change what
happened? What would my life be like had David not died? How could life be so
harsh?
Why did it have to be this way? Why didn't things work out
differently? How could this be? Where is he? What happened? How about all the people who use drugs and do
not die? How can I accept this loss?
Will I feel the way I felt before David died? When will that
happen? Who knows? Will I be whole again? Do I want to be whole again? Why
can't I feel whole again? Why do I continue to feel so alone?
Do I appreciate the fact that I am alive? Do I cherish life?
Why do I continue to want to die? Can I live my life with a broken heart and
enjoy life at the same time? How can I just live again and enjoy life? Will I
live again?
What mother does not worry about her child? How could one
child consume me so much? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I put David to rest
and let him sleep in peace? Why can't I just go on with what is left? Will I
hug him again?
Why can't I yield and trust? Why am I not consoled even
though there is eternal life? What is it that I believed in or believe in? Why
can't I be satisfied with the infinite God? Why can't I allow Him to fill my
life with peace and joy?
Why should I plan for tomorrow? Why do we struggle so much
and for what? Do I continue to go on? How can I turn things around? Is there an
escape? What good does this do me?
Why is it that people know the answers and I do not seem to
have a clue? How can I do what others tell me when my whole being is saying and
feeling otherwise? How can anyone judge any other person?
What will be left if I lose my grief?
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