Nothing Works

The pain is still as deep and the hurt is awful. My yearning for David reaches a point of despair many times. I see him as more beautiful every day. He seems to become more and more lovely with time. His beautiful character makes me miss him even more.  I get angry at times and miss the love so much. I rationalize and nothing works.

New Awareness

I am so aware of things now that before David’s death I was not aware of them. The different clouds and hues in the sky allow me to gaze upwards for a long period longing to reach David and to touch him there. Yet, I cannot touch him. He on the other hand has touched my life and has changed it forever. I am at a stage now in my life where occasionally I do not feel the pain continuously and have a few moments of relief. At these times, I feel even guiltier and tell David that I am sorry and that I have to try to go on. I tell him that he will always be a part of me. I continue to struggle daily. I continue to function, but the zest and the spark of life is gone. The glow and the shine have become dull, but the pain lingers on.