Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Advice for the newly bereaved

I know the pain is unbearable. Cry all you can, write all you can, keep busy all you can, think of the times you loved each other all you can. My son's purpose is unknown to me. His death was accidental. From my experience women are extremely strong and the pain you are experiencing this month will not kill you, just exhaust you. Take good care of yourself, pamper yourself in every way. Don't let the pain wear you down so much that you become ill.  Your family needs you. If anything, the love you bear for your child will just make your capacity for love even greater. 

Monday, February 22, 2016

I pretend

I pretend that I am fine when I am with people and then when I am alone I scream and yell and cry and wail. It seems that there is no consolation in this type of loss.My life will forever hurt as I miss my loving son. People think that as time goes by I should feel better as if my son is coming back. It is going to be 13 years for me this August and I miss David more and more and the loneliness is so severe even when I am with many people. My voice changed and even the look on my face has changed. At times I cannot bear it. I despair even though I am told that I should not despair. My pain does not change anything and sometimes I think that it is so stupid to grieve and yet I cannot help myself. Everyday the tension builds up and then the tears flow. There are so many reminders that bring pain and sorrow. I hate it when people tell me that I am strong. After all they do not know what to say. I have been educated by sorrow and loss. I am always thinking of others with a similar loss.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

My Heart is broken and pierced on Valentine's Day

I would like to share my heart with you. I found this heart on Cape Cod. It is broken and pierced. It is smooth due to the waves that bombarded it for years. My heart resembles this one. My heart will forever be broken and pierced due to the loss of my lovely son David. My heart has softened with time like the rough stone. It has become smooth due to the storms and waves that have hit me relentlessly. It is softened by pain and sorrow. It is softened by tears.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Sufferings are God's Winds and Hurricanes

I wrote this a few months after losing my son David.
I read that sufferings are God’s winds and hurricanes. They take human life and lift it to a higher level. When the storm breaks, the atmosphere is filled with new life and a part of heaven is brought down to earth. I however feel that I am still amidst the storm. I do not know how long it is going to take for the storm to clear and give me new life and hope. I am in the pit now and in the dumps and I can’t seem to be able to climb out of it. I taught and cried on the way home. I see the futility of everything. There is no glow to my life anymore.