David died of an
accidental drug overdose at age 30. As I interact with people I often bring out
the fact that I lost my son. As they listen to my story with compassion, some
ask me “How did he die?” When I tell them the cause of death, I immediately
notice a change in their attitude either by changing the subject or blurting out
words such as “What a waste!!” or “Didn’t you know?”
When David died I had no idea that the cause of death is so
important to people as to make a difference in whether they feel sorry for him
or not, or whether I deserve any sympathy or not. I notice a switch in their
attitude from compassion and sympathy to being righteous and judgmental. I do
not know if these people who are judging my son did or do drugs themselves and
yet they did not die. I often sense a relief on their part that justifies
David’s death in their minds. It is as if he deserved to die because he tried
drugs. Even family members have reacted in a similar manner and blame David for
dying. Yet the woman who overdosed five times and who gave David the drugs did
not die? It is the innocent and the ignorant ones who die accidentally. They
are naïve and inexperienced and therefore are more likely to die.
I do not think that the manner of death does make a
difference to the bereaved parent as to the enormity of the loss. The loss is
the same. The emptiness and void is the same. However, it would have been
easier to the bereaved parent if society did not distinguish to such a measure as
to the differences in the causes of death. We have lost many military young men
recently in the Iraqi war. These young men who died fighting a senseless war
are heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice. I am sure that their parents are
forever proud of them and have every right to be so, and so is the rest of the
world. I am sure that the pain is the same for those parents. The difference is
that people feel for them and make the parents feel better. In the case of my
son, I believe that he is a victim of war, the war on drugs, a war which we are
losing and which is claiming our young people on a daily basis. What people do
not realize is that these young people do not want to do drugs. They just get
tangled in a web and a culture that cares more about money instead of its
youth. It is an unforgivable crime that my son was not granted the opportunity
for the fulfillment, even in part, of the possibilities of this life. What
brought death to David all too soon, and cut his life short when he was in his
prime were drugs, a man-made cruelty. This untimely interruption of his life is
unacceptable to me. Unlike other wars, this war is being ignored by our
government and the rest of the world. When my son died alone in his house, the
detective in charge gave me his card and instead of telling me that I could use
his card to reach him for questions or help, he told me “I buy houses in case
you want to sell his house!!”
