Wednesday, July 22, 2015

God and God Alone

Shortly after David died, fear gripped my soul that people will forget him. As time passes I am realizing that he cannot be forgotten as the mere presence of my person seems to remind them of the loss. However, they choose not to remember him as they refuse to even mention his name.

I am at a turning point in my life where I try not to talk about David to close friends and relatives to the level that I used to.  I want them to think that I am over my loss, yet by doing so I hurt more and feel so alone. I feel more comfortable with strangers and with other parents who share a similar loss.  I have a great sense of sadness and overwhelming sorrow because I feel that they are burying my son over and over again. When someone dies, his spirit and life remain alive in our hearts and memories. Why should we therefore act as if they never existed? There is a healing effect in bringing them up and mentioning their names. Yet I feel intimidated or maybe that I am doing the wrong thing when I mention his name, or his age or his birthday or his anniversary, or the number of years that he has been gone.  I am realizing that God and God alone understands my thoughts and I can communicate with Him at any moment.  “Behold I know your thoughts”.  Job 21:27

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