Be True to Yourself

When David died I became powerless, and was stripped of my self worth. I was left hollow, and my sense of identity crumbled as well. These feelings were confirmed by the fact that people avoided me because of my loss.

The death of my son has thrown me into the darkest days of my life. It is so difficult to write about my feelings as words cannot begin to describe the pain. People avoid me and therefore I try to mask my inner self and pretend to be normal. Yet by doing so I know that I am not true to myself and that makes me sad and unhappy. I cannot live a lie because by doing so I will destroy my soul, and my self worth. Therefore I decided to be me. I will no longer pretend to be the person that I am not. 

The People That I appreciated The Most

Since David died I have had so many cruel remarks and explanations as to why I feel the way I do. I personally do not have a clue but many people had all the answers and solutions to my loss. They think that they can fix what can never be fixed.

It is the people who did not try to enter into my feelings and did not offer me false comfort or false solutions that I appreciated the most. They did not tell me that I need to take something to feel better. They did not tell me that I need to see a therapist. They did not tell me that I need to have more faith. They did not tell me that I need to read my Bible more. They did not tell me that they feel my pain. They did not tell me that life goes on. They did not tell me to be thankful that I had David for 30 years. They did not tell me to be thankful for the memories. They did not tell me that he is in a better place. They did not tell me that it is the will of God. They did not tell me that I am strong. They did not tell me that I should not live in the past. They did not ask me if I had other children. They did not ask me how he died. These are the people who did not invade my privacy but stood at the periphery respecting me and my journey through the path of grief and sorrow. They encouraged me just by listening to me or giving me a hug, knowing full well that they were as powerless as I was.