November 1, 2004, another month without my honey. The
sadness grows as time moves. I feel a bit better today so far. I am going to
trust that God knows the beginning from the end and that he allowed this to
happen. I do not know why and will never know why. My thoughts however do not
match my feelings. I try to be strong and then I fail. How can I be strong when
the love of my life is gone? How can I go on with the trivial daily chores that
have no meaning? I can't stand it. I never realized how empty life could be. I
put so much energy all my life to succeed and be successful for my family and I
failed everything. I feel so humbled by all this. I am nobody. I am nothing. It
is 10 pm and I am extremely sad. I long for David and want to hold him. I
continually have tears in my eyes. I have fears that I will not remember some
aspects of his life. This is why I am trying to write as much as I can. His
face I have memorized as well as his gentleness and love. I miss him so
terribly and there is deep hole in my heart and soul.
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