At David’s funeral a psychotherapist said to me: “you will never be the same happy”. These words continue to ring in my ears as he was so accurate in portraying this fact that is associated with losing a child.
The statement indicates that I can be happy again but not as before. As time goes by I am realizing that there are moments of happiness here and there, but they are always co-mingled with deep sorrow and sadness. How can life be the same as before the loss?
Happiness comes from the word happen. What happened to me is that I lost my son. What I want is to change what happened and make it not happen. Since I cannot change what happened that makes me unhappy. However as I go through life I am experiencing other happenings which make me somewhat happy. The minute I begin to feel a bit happy, the thought that David is not with me to share it takes some of that happiness away. I believe that this is what the therapist meant, and he was right on.