Be Still

After David died, I heard the hymn; “Be Still and Know that I am God” This statement appears as a verse in Psalm 46:10.

How can I be still when my flesh and blood is in the grave? How can I be still when I lost my most precious gift? How can I be still when part of me died? How can I be still when nothing makes sense? How can I be still when my will is broken? How can I be still when I feel the way I do? How can I be still when I am tormented? How can I be still when my whole being is shook? How can I be still when everything around me has changed? I am in a state of flux. I am in a state of change. Everything changed when my son died. The whole world is no longer the same. I am not the same. I will never be the same. The way I think is different. The way I respond to people is different. I just pray that the good that is promised from this entire calamity will surface soon as I cannot take it anymore. The suffering due to this loss is unimaginable and even indescribable. The pain that grips my soul is mixed with fear and despair.

I feel breathless at times.