I am tired

I am tired of trying to find reasons why my son died. I am tired of trying to figure out what to do next. I am tired of trying to keep extra busy in order to survive. I am tired of life. I am tired of everything. There is no thrill to anything. I am tired of being so lonely. I am tired of feeling all alone. I am tired of crying. I am tired of pain. I am tired of people telling me that David is in a better place. I am tired of being told that I am strong.  I need help. Sometimes I get periods of being OK, but these are so short. When I talk to people I feel OK at times and then I am alone again. I just cherish all of David. I cherish everything that he stood for. I cherish his beautiful soul. 

I do not understand

I continue to hurt over the loss of David despite the passage of time.

Regarding my grief, my biggest dilemma is not understanding the magnitude of the grief despite my faith and all of God's promises. Why do I hurt so badly and on a daily basis? Why do I feel so lonely and so incomplete? Why do I tear daily? Why hasn't the pain subsided? I am accused of rebelling against God by some and that adds to my pain. I try to hide the pain. I try to pretend that everything is normal. I just don't know anymore.