December 15, 2004 Diary

December 15, 2004, it is bitter cold but sunny. My emotions ebb and flow. One day I wake up fine and as the day progresses, my sorrow builds up and then I go crazy, yell, scream and cry my heart out. Other days I wake up in tears and cry before I can get anything done. Yesterday I was a mess. I cried all the way to school and then I happened to park by David’s car, which I gave to our secretary, and that made me go crazy. I got out and touched the car as if I was touching David. Later in the day I saw a small jet going up and up into the sky so far that it could reach the crescent moon that was still visible in the daytime. I longed to be on that jet and imagined myself going up to see David. I never realized how deep the bond is between us. I keep questioning the loss and why God allowed David to leave us at such a young age. At the same time I do not understand why God takes other young people who would have impacted the world in a great positive way as well. Who can understand the mind of the Lord? My thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways says the Lord. “Every man dies” keeps ringing in my ears. I cannot forget that the Lord id faithful even though my anger blinds me at times. A student left me a sweet note after the final “I am deeply sorry for your loss; I can only imagine what you are going through. Just know that he is with God, a better place”. That caused the tears to flow again. Tears for David will never dry.