As Time goes by

As time rolls by, I continue to experience sorrow and despair at times. I continue to cry over my son. It is a daily ritual. However, I admit that intervals of pain are much shorter and less frequent. I learned to live again rather than just to exist. I learned to appreciate every breath that I take. I learned to see beauty in everything. I learned to care for others. I learned to live in the present and not the past or the future. 

Forever in my heart

Although David left us, my world continues to be luminous long after he has been out of sight. He cannot die out of my world. He has left much of himself behind. As long as I love, I will feel him and see him everywhere even though he is nowhere.

Everywhere I go I am surrounded and am reminded of him.  When I look at the sky he is there. When I hear a bird sing he is there. When I see the stars he is there. When I hear a song he is there. When I see the flowers he is there. When I see a butterfly he is there. Beautiful things remind me of him as he is beautiful. No matter what I do or where I go he is there. He continues to be an integral part of my being and forever will be in my heart. 

Affliction!! Is it for our good?

I have been going through my diary and located the following excerpt.

Every time that I read about affliction it sounds that it is for our good. It sounds that we need to be tested so that we can grow to be stronger and that our faith will also be strengthened. I don’t mind being tested if the testing were not so final. So what if I become stronger? What if I endure, and out of this suffering come beauty? What if I can survive and be able to help others? Is this worth the loss of my son? I do not think so. I would rather have him than go through the fiery furnace and come out like gold. I would rather be a weak person of no value than to lose David. I do not look at this loss as a test of my faith. I look at it as a horrible thing that happened to me and to David. I look at it as a loss that can never be replaced.

Twelve Years Ago

Twelve years ago, my precious David left us.  My heart is broken and time could not soothe the tears or dry them. Being gone I have a more lively sense of his presence even though he is absent in the body. His spirit surrounds me and his love guides me. His beauty has become immortal to me and my love for him will never die.