Bereaved Parents Response to Topics in Grief

"A huge thank you to Leila Koepp for expressing how I think a lot of us really feel. I feel like copying 'How are you feeling today?' and handing it out to everyone I know. I think the gut wrenching truth of it was beautiful because of its pure honesty." Melody

"I have learned from Leila that we should not hide our grief but to open up and speak. This is the best remedy for healing." Twila

The story that touched my heart and made me cry and understand how my daughter feels, was titled, 'How do you do it?'" June

"In reading her articles, my heart is always comforted by the words of Leila Koepp. She seems to understand exactly what I am feeling, and her words echo my thoughts." Charisse

"All her stories come from the heart, as truthful as she possibly can be. Even the anger as so many are afraid to share...God knows our hearts and He is a loving, forgiving God." Mary Ann

"I have been blessed with huge nuggets of peace from Leila's writings because she genuinely opens her heart, allowing the rest of us to share her pain as she guides us in our travel down the road of sorrow. She explains things in heartfelt ways that the layman can understand. Although none of us wishes to be on this road, I am grateful to be sharing it with her; because of her writings it is also a road of hope." Debbie

"Leila's articles provide me with hope. Hope that I will be reunited with Brian. They provide me a renewed faith in the belief that God is in our lives and was there when Brian died. They provide me with a perspective on my grief from one who has experienced the same deep level of grief. They provide me with comfort." Joe

Topics in Grief on YouTube

You can now view Topics in Grief on YouTube. The link is below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0k8hLmkpiA

Topics in Grief Video

Go to the website:   www.lowercapetv.org

Click on Find and Watch shows

Search on Topics in Grief

When the show comes up , click on VIEW and you will see the show http://lowercapetv.org/

Comparing the Death of Philip Seymour Hoffman to the Death of my Son

The first time I was introduced to Philip Hoffman Seymour was when my son brought the movie “Scent of a Woman” to the house and we watched it together. We watched the movie more than once and we were fascinated by his talent as an actor and by the movie as a whole. When I heard that he died of a heroin drug overdose, I was affected by the loss as my son also died of a similar cause 10 years ago.

The media is all over the place about this tragic death. Topics like “Stars Mourn the death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman”, “Drug Dealers Targeted...” and “Four Arrested in Drug Probe” and so on. He has been on the news over and over again and on the internet with many people involved on commenting whether drug addiction is a disease or a choice.

Mr. Hoffman was among the rich and famous. Unlike Mr. Hoffman, no one cared about my son’s death. He did not make the headline news. No one cared about arresting the drug dealers. In fact when I told the officer in charge that we think that there is a link to a drug dealer, he dismissed it immediately and told me that they do not bother with the small stuff. I simply told him that catching the drug dealer will not affect me but that I did not want another parent to lose a child. When the he gave me his card, he told me “I buy houses in case you want to sell his house”.

At the academy awards in 2006 in his acceptance speech Mr. Hoffman thanks his mother for raising him on her own. He was proud of his mother as my son was always proud of me. I have a tender spot in my heart for Philip as in many ways I see that he was a sensitive and caring person as my son was.

Many on the internet are judging Mr. Hoffman for dying of drugs. These people do not realize that those who die of drugs struggle all their lives and do not want to use drugs but are addicted and cannot stop no matter how hard they try. They did make a stupid choice when they tried the drugs for the first time. However, after they are addicted, I do not think that they have a choice. They are tangled and have difficulty quitting.

We know that many people are on drugs and yet they do not die. Many act as if they are better than those who overdose.  I often sense a relief on their part that justifies my son’s death in their minds because of the manner in which he died. It is as if he deserved to die because he tried drugs. I do not think that the manner of death does make a difference to the bereaved parent as to the enormity of the loss. The loss is the same. The emptiness and void is the same. However, it would have been easier to the bereaved parent if society did not distinguish to such a measure as to the differences in the causes of death.

Choosing Life

I continue to mourn a most valuable and beloved son. I continue to have a yearning affection and heart felt affliction towards him. Agonies of grief and unequaled anguish continue. The loss is beyond measure. It is aggravated by months and years of void. Months and years fly away and nothing allows joy to stay and no curtain can shut sorrow away. Without David’s presence the earth is empty. My soul cannot be content any longer in this world. My soul bleeds with anguish. I often experience my silent sorrow bursting with loud laments. I weep and refuse to be comforted. I am surprised that religion does not seem to console at times and at other times it is the only consolation that allows me to survive.  I treasure the memories. These memories are like a fund which is inexhaustible and which supplies all my wants by keeping my son alive. These memories are rich, they are happy and they are a gift.

What can I do with all the days and hours that are left before I can see David’s face again? I can live in the past and cheat myself of the present. Or I can embrace life looking forward to eternity with him. I choose the latter.

Grief Happens

I cannot explain my grief. It is a mystery to me. Grief happens. I do not plan to cry or not to cry. My soul gets overwhelmed and is very heavy and then the tears flow like rivers of water. There is no planning, there is no expectation, only subtle vibes that fill my soul with memories and lead to crying. The experiences that I have are unspeakable. At times my life is a living death and yet I was able to climb out of the pit and to make it. I still do not understand how I was able to survive. Maybe it is because God knows who I am and is touched by my sorrow and pain. I found my way by groping in the dark. I had to experience and go through the grief. Part of me wants to continue to grieve and part of me wants to embrace life. I feel that I am somewhere between heaven and earth. This is because I have treasures in both places and "where your treasure is there your heart is also".

New Year's Promises

Some of the promises for the New Year for me are to make sure that my son’s name will be mentioned. I want to make my life count for good. I want to be able to help others who have lost children to survive the loss. I want to be a good listener to those who hurt. I want to be kind and compassionate towards others. Caring is a quality that is needed these days. I promise to lift my head up high and be free from the world’s criticisms. I promise to love and to share as sharing is a part of caring. I promise to let go of vain regrets and to hold unto memories of yesterday’s looking forward to a new year.  Losing David will always be a part of me as I step into this New Year and years to come. It is a determining power that will forever guide me. The old year is gone; maybe I should try not to carry its burdens to the New Year.  I can always be thankful that my son has enriched my life in so many ways. He is gone, but will never be forgotten even if I were to live a million years from now.