Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago in August 2003, my precious son died. I never thought that I could survive without him. I can’t believe that I am still alive here on the earth. My heart is broken and time could not soothe the tears or dry them. Being gone I have a more lively sense of his presence even though he is absent in the body. His spirit surrounds me and his love guides me. David did not leave himself without leaving his mark on almost everything. The marks of his fingers are on the pottery pieces that he made as a child, and on all the items that he fixed, as well as the walls that he painted. The marks of his footsteps are in all the places that he visited. The mark of his smile is what cheers my heart. Amidst such a multitude of remembrances, there is no way that I could ever forget him, not even for a single moment. Instead of living without David in the world, I can always be with him and see all things connected to him.

When I look at the sky, my heart reveals my son to me and my sorrow is awakened within me. Sorrow blossoms here on earth and will always be with me. I continue to cling to my son in spirit as if he is still in sight. Then I say to myself: “it is going to be only a little while before I will see him again”. I weep that one so lovely should have had such a brief life here on earth.

Looking at the sky I see it pointing to the heavens where my son dwells. I gaze, I ponder, I gaze, I ponder and I think. I admire, again and again. I repeat my ravished look and am never satiated by my curiosity about what is beyond the sky. My thoughts wonder about the unknown and I realize that no matter what, I cannot fathom the amazing wonders of the sky and all its glory. The sun, the moon, the stars, the planets, the clouds, and the rainbow will always stir deep emotions within me and I try to search for understanding.

In Isaiah 60: 20 we read: “Thy sun shall no more go down, neither shall thy moon withdraw itself; for the Lord shall be thine everlasting light, and the days of thy mourning shall be ended. This verse is referring to heaven.  It is only when I am inseparably united with my son that the days of my mourning shall end. This is where there will be no want, no deficiency in any one. We will enjoy all the good and be adorned with all the glory. We will not envy, and we will not be selfish. Everlasting friendship prevails. No one can eclipse another, but all will shine brighter than the sun.

I realize that beyond death there is a heaven where beauty becomes immortal and where love never dies. In this place there is grandeur beyond expression. This place is always bright. It is the house of rest. In this far-away dwelling, wherever it is, I know that my son’s loveliness will never be changed.

David’s soul is in heaven. The soul surpasses in worth more than the eye can see and whatever material things we can imagine. I therefore often spurn the earthly things and pant after unseen delights.