I often feel sick both physically and emotionally over losing David. I am so sad and the pain is excruciating. How am I going to spend the rest of my life without him? I cannot imagine that I will be able to do so. Oh how I hate what happened. Oh how I yearn for David. Oh how I ache all over. Oh how desperate I am. I can’t imagine a world without him. I am tired of rationalizing in order to survive. I am tired of trying to look at life differently in order to make myself feel better. I am even angry at having to look for the eternal in order to survive. I want the tangible and the now. I want David. I want David. I want David. Oh my David how I miss you. Oh how I love you. Oh how I yearn for you. I need to talk to you. I need to hear you talk back to me. I am desperate in my pain.. I am lost. I am empty. I am hurting. I could scream. My soul continues to rage and there is so much anger in me right now. Someone told me that instead of asking why I need to realize that God knows best. Yes He does, but that does not take the pain away. I am in pain. I am bleeding on the inside. I feel like dying.